In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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