If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize