Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize