thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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