btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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