he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize