Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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