He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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