I just threw up on my dentist
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize