At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize