Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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