She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize