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are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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