if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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