He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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