I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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