He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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