Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize