Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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