90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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