yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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