hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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