I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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