And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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