i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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