I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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