You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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