I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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