i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize