This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
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Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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