I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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