My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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