1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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