The maid of honor just puked.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize