I cut my penus on the lid.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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