i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize