then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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