She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize