FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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