I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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