So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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