You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you traded sex for a burrito?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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