Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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