saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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