she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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