a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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