sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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