college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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