people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize