seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize